Across these experiences, the parent-child relationship mattered significantly. Young people described how fear of punishment could lead them to hide online experiences, while calm responses could make it easier to ask for help. Their stories highlight the importance of trust: knowing that a parent will listen, take their concerns seriously, and focus on helping when something goes wrong. These responses implied that young people’s goal is not to remove parents from the picture, but to make their support easier to turn to through regular, low-pressure conversations.

Many conversations about young people and technology often position parents and teens as opponents: adults set limits, and young people push back. These accounts offer a different starting point in which parents and young people work together as an intergenerational effort.

As we talked to young people, they did not describe a single rule or setting that could resolve every challenge. Instead, they emphasized feeling understood, knowing they could ask for help, and having a voice in family decisions. This also signifies that young people know there is no “one-size-fits-all” way to address the problems they face online, but they would rather talk through these concerns with a trusted adult.

Ultimately, these findings do not suggest that parents should step back from young people’s online lives, as some participants wished their parents had checked in more. The distinction is between checking in with curiosity and checking up to catch mistakes. Even when something goes wrong for their child, parents should approach them with care and concern.

1. Collaboration: Create family tech agreements together
Young people should help shape expectations around technology use. They should work with their parents to clearly lay out and understand the reasons behind certain boundaries, explain what online connection means to them, and make agreements that the adults in their life can also follow through on. Discussions should focus on priorities such as sleep, time with friends, creativity, and family connection. Family agreements can be revisited as needs change.

2. Communication: Make asking for help feel safe
Conversations about online life should be a regular, low-pressure habit, rather than something that happens only when there is a problem. Adults should ask about the apps, online spaces, and AI tools young people use with curiosity, rather than skepticism. By communicating with one another, young people should be aware that they will not be punished for asking for help, and focus first on support and safety when they share a difficult experience.

3. Community: Make sure families have support
Parents should not have to navigate these challenges alone. Schools, PTAs, and counselors can also have a role in bringing families and young people together to discuss shared concerns and develop norms. Similarly, technology companies and policymakers have a responsibility to protect young users through appropriate regulations regarding online safety and should co-design these rules with young people themselves.