On weekends, I spent time with my cousins in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn. But during the week, in my small hometown, I was stuck. I couldn’t drive. Public transportation was unreliable. I was low-income, one of the few publicly out Queer youth in my high school, and didn’t have access to paid extracurriculars or a circle of friends who could offer rides or places to go.
There was one exception.
The school bus stopped at a deli a few stops before my house. I would get off early, sit at a small table with my homework, order a pastrami on rye and a Dr. Brown’s cream soda, and feel—briefly—independent. That deli was my pocket of autonomy. A place where no one was watching me closely, asking questions, or telling me where I couldn’t be.
At the same time, as a teenager, I was running The Validation Project, a youth empowerment organization I founded, which took me across the country and internationally. Ironically, it was through this work that I experienced fleeting versions of “normal” teen life. I would speak at a high school or youth conference, then for a day or a night, I’d play the role of a local teenager: hanging out in a mall in Toronto, or grabbing food with other teens in Milwaukee.
It was through having access to those third spaces that I realized the weight of their absence in my own life. At home, my days were a straight line: school, work, home. No wandering. No lingering. No unstructured places to just exist.


